Keep my grandma H in your thoughts…

I’m generally not one to solicit prayers as I lead a pretty secular life with the exception of my adventures in UU land. Being UU, I know and appreciate the fact that everyone has their own spiritual path and far be it from me impose rules about how you should pack for your journey.

So I’m just going to take a moment and ask you to pray, breath, think kind thoughts, send positive energy, meditate, whatever it is you feel called to do, for my grandma H tonight. She’s been battling pneumonia for the last week and my family is really worried about her.

I know I’ve mentioned her in lots of previous posts. She is my mentor, one of my favorite people on this planet. She was diagnosed a few years with Alzheimer’s and I’ve been dealing with the vacancy of our relationship since the days when she first started forgetting my first name or how I fit into her life. I care for her a lot.

I visited her myself this past weekend and I started to write a blog entry about the experience of walking in a dementia/Alzheimer’s ward at the nursing home, but I lost the gusto to finish that entry and I’ve left it saved in my directory to finish later. Suffice it to say, the experience leaves a feeling like a lead weight in my stomach, but I do it every time because I love her.

The night I returned from the nursing home, I said this one simple prayer (and, mind you, I rarely pray for anything because I feel that asking anything for myself of a divine deity is rather selfish, and besides, I have the brains and muscle to fight through any situation myself):

God, give me the strength to accept the outcome of my grandma’s dilemma, whether it’s to bear further witness to her last days or the unwanted ending of a life I cherish.

Okay, a little dramatic. And, admittedly, it sounds like the Serenity Prayer. In my own eternal recovery process as a widow, I’ve found the Serenity Prayer to be one of the most centering and comforting mantras… So probably 90% of the very few prayers I say sound like that. I always feel like I need to take responsibility for handling those things I ask of a greater power. If there is a greater power listening, I’d prefer it give me something I could actually use to better my life–like courage and strength–than a pot of gold or a miracle from the sky. Besides, if there is a greater power, all the prayers in the universe are not going to stop the hands of time or change an entry in the course of past and present history. What is to be will be.

Mars Girl & Grandma H
Thanksgiving, 2005

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2 thoughts on “Keep my grandma H in your thoughts…

  1. I understand this post. I had to watch my grandma suffer through advanced stages of Alhzeimers before she died 4 years ago. Alhzeimers is so cruel…so devastating to everyone affected by it. You have my thoughts.

  2. My grandma h. is not doing so well either. She is turning 85 this month (I think it’s 85, maybe it’s 86). I want to go visit her, but it would be a really hard trip with Max, as she’s not up for more than an hour at a time of visiting so I would need to stay in a hotel, and she lives in the middle of nowhere in the desert. I am trying to decide if we should go visit, she’s so frail that my dad says he isn’t sure if she can handle a visit. So, I’ve been calling every few weeks, and baking her cookies which I mail to her with cards and her favorite tea bags. She is tired, and says being old is no picnic.

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