Sarah wins the “booby prize” for guessing most closely the date of birth for my cousin Angy’s first child, Grayson Martin, who was born yesterday, September 3, at 4:50am. Whew-hoo! I’m a first cousin once removed. Or something.
Ironically, this was after all night dreaming about my cousin having her baby… It was an odd dream too because it was taking place at her wedding and I was running around looking for the bridesmaid toast I’d written for her. I couldn’t find it and she went into labor. As I watched her begin the process of labor (as I’ve only ever witnessed on TV so we know I have no real vision of it), I felt a lost, empty longing, like this knowledge that I would never know what it is like to be a mother. I felt life as we knew it–childhood, growing up, the confusion of adulthood–slip away from her while I felt the same as I always do. I was almost jealous. Her world was about to change and I was, once again, left behind on some distant planet. Always the girl from Mars.
Not to take away from this grand moment, of course. It’s just that this morning I realized that maybe I do, after all, have a working biological clock. And I also realized how much I love my cousin even though our relationship has been altered with the changes in her life.
Ah well. It’s completely selfish for me to take something out of this moment for Angy and Peter. Congrats to the new parents! May parenthood be all that you hoped it would be and more!
And don’t forget “Aunt Mars Girl.” Free babysitting and gifts. Call me when he’s old enough to get his first bike.