I only have one resolution this year. It’s the most important thing to me. Over the last few weeks, I’ve done a lot of soul searching to try to figure what I want most of out life, or a career, and I’ve come to realize that the one thing I want most of all to have done in my life–above everything else–is to be a “real” published author.
I probably should aim small, try to get some of the stories I’d want to put into a memoir about being a young widow written into short, readable pieces, and then go through the vigorous process of attempting to submit them for publication on their own. Maybe that’s all this so-called memoir will ever be–random bits of my life with Mike and my experiences after his death. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll find a way, once the bits and pieces are published, to submit the work as a whole to someone. I really think I could do it if I just tried. Not to pat myself on the back, but I truly believe that writing is my talent–as hard and as frustrating an art it is for me to do each day–and I feel like I’m wasting this, my only talent, by letting my fears overwhelm me and never trying to get anything published.
So this is the year to pull myself together. For real. I need to sit down, focus, and not let the fear of rejection stop me from trying. If all my friends and family and people I barely know (who read this blog regularly) tell me that I’ve got something extraordinary here, then I must believe that I do have something of interest to share with the world, right? Won’t I be so proud of myself if I do succeed? Won’t I have nothing but regret if I never try? I can’t let this one thing slip away from me forever. Being a published writer is all that I’ve ever wanted from my life since I was a little kid; it’s probably the only career idea for my life that’s been a constant. And I’ve especially always wanted to write a book. I’ve dreamed of holding a book with my name across the cover. Even if I only ever wrote and published one book in my entire lifetime, I would feel fulfilled. (Though, let’s be honest, once you have one book published, it’s a lot easier to get others published…)
Anyway, I wish everyone a great New Year and success in fulfilling your own personal resolutions–whether they be one or many.