I went for a walk tonight. Which seems to inspire lots of haiku. That is, in between my walking stream of consciousness which consisted of alternately bitching at myself about having no direction in life, thinking about something a friend wrote in an email this evening, being senselessly angry over an old (or nearly scarred-up) wound, considering the episode of Buffy I watched while eating dinner, and thinking about the fifty errands/chores I need to do around the house. I found if I focus my energy on trying to write poetry or something, my mind starts to clear. I guess maybe I should take a tape recorder so that I can write something longer than haiku… except, then, I’ll be the neighborhood crazy lady muttering to herself….

Walked past our old house
Some ten years ago, it was
My serenity.

And for some bitching-about-Ohio-ku (or boo-hoo-ku?):

Gray clouds hide the sun
Hard cold bites through gloves to skin,
Dark blends day and night.

Is it summer yet? It looks like I’m going to Holiday Valley for a weekend soon so maybe I should hang onto winter a little longer…

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11 thoughts on “Nostalgi-ku

  1. Is it summer yet? No. Leaving a comment so you don’t feel unloved because no one commented ;)

    I do especially like the second haiku about the weather. Reminds me of the haiku I read at Nuku that I had written about the never-ending winter last year – the same inspiration.

    And what’s wrong with being the crazy lady muttering to yourself? I do it at work all the time!

    • Actually, I wanted to end that poem with something along the lines of; Dark fills my soul. But I didn’t want to be melodramatic. Even though I was trying to express the depression I feel at this time of the year… Oh well… I am still not as happy with that one as the first. I think the thirf line should always be a punchline and in the second poem, the third line is more of the same…

      • Although I like the word blends, if you want the connotation of overwhelming dark, I would change dark blends to darkness.

  2. Well, actually, like I said, I wanted something completely different for that last line. “Darkness eclipses my soul” is too many syllables. “Darkness shadows my heart.” Damn. Five frakking syllables. I should have sat on that poem for a few more days…. The other one came pretty quickly, though. I’m good with that one.

    • Ironically, I like the second one better than the first. The first is good, and I (think I) understand it from knowing your history, but had I not known that, I don’t think it would have evoked as much emotion in my mind. And I think it’s just the brevity of the haiku, in 17 symbols you have to use 10 of them to set up the scene, and even then, as a reader I don’t necessarily understand why walking past your old house would be your serenity – I’m not able to make the emotional connection to feel the same thing the author was feeling about the situation, which again, I think is due to the brevity of it being a haiku. There’s a story here but as a reader I’m not getting all of it, just a glimpse.

      Again, it is NOT bad, but if I were the Nuku judge I would have voted for the second haiku. I think the second one is more universal; I could clearly see the scene you had painted with your words. I love the last line, “dark blends day and night.” I think that sets the maudlin scene just fine. No need to beat the reader over the head with a really heavy phrase. I like the mysterious feeling that line leaves me as it currently is – that with no sun, it’s hard to tell when day ends and night begins and vice versa, like we’re trapped in this sad void. And the second line – “Hard cold bites through gloves to skin” – my hands are getting cold just reading that line. I think the second haiku is just brilliant, don’t touch it! No! *slapping your hands away from keyboard* Leave it as it is! :)

      • I like poems that don’t explain everything. Leaves things open for interpretation. I like to be mysterious. I personally would like the first poem better if it was someone else writing it because I would wonder about the story around it…

  3. “…I would wonder about the story around it…”

    I think that’s what I was trying to get at talking about Haiku #1 – as the reader I could tell there was a story there, and although I don’t need everything explained, I felt I needed just a tad more for the poem to pull me into its clutches and make me keep wondering about what was going on there after I was done reading. Which is tricky to do in haiku, since whatever story this poem is about is much bigger than just 17 syllables. But, others’ mileage may vary – Death of the Author!

    Although… reading it again, it is growing on me more as-is. I think part of the reason I initially felt the way that I did is that I was reading “Walked past our old house some ten years ago” as one phrase, but reading it again I think you meant for “Walked past our house” to be one phrase and “Some ten years ago, it was my serenity” as a separate phrase, am I right? And although it’s a small thing, reading it the two different ways really does change it for me.

    • I guess I should try longer forms of poetry then do that I can take a beautiful simple image and beat it to death with a lot of words that tell too much… which is how all my long form poetry sounds. You have to be elusive with poetry… Which I am not very good at..

    • It sure is a good thing I don’t have friends who just tell me everything I do is wonderful! :)

      However, I am now afraid to give you subsequent chapter I write for my memior! Which also makes me get stuck in the writing.. You and J are now additional critical voices in my head that I can’t live up to! I will never get published if this is how I take constructive criticism! ;/

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