Has a break up ever made you flip your gourd and become someone so unlike yourself that you lose control of your actions? Have you ever stood outside yourself, watching this behavior but been utterly unable to stop yourself from indulging the madness? Love can turn sane people crazy. Even in a breakup where you know you’re better off without the other person… Even after several months when you think you’re over it…
Crazy. You make me
Act in ways I’d never schemed.
Love’s bitter anger.
At the same time, your sane side feels horrible while knowing you’re out of control.
Regrets. I’m sorry.
We were a really bad fit.
We tried. We failed. Vexed.
Maybe insanity comes to cover the injuries to your heart–a way to tell yourself you don’t really care, to prevent yourself from getting hurt again. Widowhood can be similar to a breakup in this way as you do lose touch with sanity for awhile and act in unexpected ways. But I know that’s not an excuse for bad behavior. And there’s always a level part of me trying to grab the reins on my angry reactionary part. Sometimes the angry side wins. The level-headed side wins most often. It’s just that everyone remembers crazy.