I believe

It’s weird.

But when I’m feeling really low…

I find that I pray to…

No, not God.

Don’t know if I believe in God.

Don’t know if I believe in much of anything.

When I’m down low, I pray to Mike.

Which is to say, I believe in LOVE.

I don’t believe in much, don’t put much stock in anything I can’t see or feel.

But I believe in Love.

Isn’t that the lines to a U2 song? “God Part II” — Bono’s response to John Lennon’s song denouncing God, the song for which Lennon was highly criticized (because one of the lyrics was “I don’t believe in the Beatles.” He may have said he didn’t believe in God but I don’t remember.)

I believe in that. I believe in Love.

I believe love conquers all.

I’m a helpless romantic.

Love.

It’s simple, right?

Sometimes it seems easier to hate than to love.

I find myself, in my most miserable moments, calling to Mike. People might think of this as worshiping false gods.

I don’t know. My love for Mike is the only thing I believe in. Our love was the only real spiritual thing I’ve ever felt.

The power of love carries me through the day.

Even when I have no one to love.

Even when I have nothing but generic love for fellow man.

I believe in Love.

Is that wrong?

Is that stupid?

I don’t know.

Other idealists (Bono) believe in it.

I can follow that.

Maybe God is love. Don’t know. The only real love I’ve ever felt–besides that of my parents–is the love I got from Mike.

But maybe that was just an illusion.

A convenience of time and place.

I still believe in it.

I do.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “I believe

  1. I’ve managed to stumble upon your blog and this post stuck out. I am a practicing Catholic and believe completely in my faith, but since my husband died (nearly a year and a half ago! Wow!) I find that I rarely pray to God but rather I pray to/talk to Paul instead. All of the conversations I used to have with God on my way to work are now had with my husband.

    You ask if maybe God is love. I think He is. So maybe your Mike, who holds so much of your love, is a path to God for you–or a path to peace/happiness/joy.

    Anyhow, I’m enjoying your posts and must read some more when I get home this evening…

    Thanks for sharing!
    Frances

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s