Just taking a moment to remember my husband, Michael, on his birthday… He would have been 43 today. I hope where ever he is now (if there is some place to be), he’s happy and no longer worried about the problems of the world he untimely left behind. I hope he’s proud of how I’ve overcome… and I hope he sees my happiness now and elates in the fact that I’m no longer miserable in his absence. Time marches on. I will always have a place for him in my heart. And he knows.

Every day I let go a little bit more of the anger, grief, anxiety about the past. I’ve changed a lot in the last year and I think I’m finally able to give people a chance without the memory of my bad experiences tainting my faith in people. My heart is open. Wide open. It’s a scary place to be. But it’s the right place to be.

That’s my birthday present to you, Misha. Happy birthday, where ever you are (or aren’t).


2 thoughts on “43

  1. Such a nice post Heidi. Mike would be happy for you with how your life is now. I’ll always remember his knee trembling at your wedding during the ceremony, and spending time with him in Oregon. He is missed and remembered.

  2. Wow! His leg was shaking? Little details I keep learning that I wasnt aware of. What I always think of when I think of our wedding day is how he messed up his vows (which we wrote) and he couldnt remember them… So he just gave up trying to come up with them and said, looking into my eyes sincerely, “I love you.” That was the best vow ever. Even though the vows he wrote were really sweet…. The inspired “I love you” said it all. I always feel my heart skip a little whenever I have watched that part of the wedding video.

    There’s also a picture in our wedding album of him before the wedding. He’s standing, trying to look casual, but he’s kind of gripping his stomach with one hand and he looks a bit piqued. :)

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